About a year ago, I stopped writing blog entries. My reasons for stopping were centered around the life changes induced by my daughter Rachel’s passing. Like rock bands that take multiple farewell tours, I am back writing for a while.

This blog entry intends to provide a life update. For the past three years, I have not been able to write about my entire experience of losing a child.

Rachel Reed was a beautiful, loving, and creative person. She was a loyal friend and family member. She brought joy to my life for 31 years, and I cherish her memory every day. For those who knew Rachel, I hope her memory brings joy to your life.

Rachel’s passing was a surprising and shocking event. While I have lost a parent and a sibling, losing a child was a more profound life-changing event. I have read many books and publications regarding grief. After three years, I have formulated my thoughts on processing grief. For my benefit and possibly others, I will describe my journey.

Upon notification of Rachel’s passing, I went into complete shock. I was out of town and began driving to Houston at 2 AM. For the next few days, my family received loving support from some of our dearest friends from our church.

After a day or so, we began planning the memorial service. Again, we received amazing support from our church family. While I have presided over several funerals, I knew immediately I could not lead Rachel’s memorial service. One disappointing factor was we received poor support from the funeral home I had to select at 2 in the morning. During the most stressful time of our lives, my wife and I were subjected to a lack of sympathy, a hard sales job, and incompetency. Eventually, I reached a financial settlement with this funeral home, but their performance during this tragic event was abysmal.

The memorial service was a blur to me. I remember being surprised at how many folks attended. Many co-workers from Hewlett-Packard were there. Friends we hadn’t seen for many years arrived. We also met friends of Rachel’s we did not know. My favorite part of the service was when my son spoke about his sister.

After the memorial service, I sort of went crazy. I tried to focus on closing out Rachel’s affairs. I was also busy with the poor-performing funeral home. We decided to bury Rachel in Crossett, Arkansas. My wife is from Crossett, and Rachel spent much of her childhood there visiting her grandparents. Rachel loved Crossett and moved there for a while in 2019. She returned to Houston in 2020 before her passing.

I love visiting Rachel’s marker in Crossett. Somehow, I feel closer to her when I am there.

The next order of business for us was to find a way to honor Rachel. We wanted to find a highly-rated charity that reflected Rachel’s values. This turned out to be a difficult task. Eventually, we connected with the great folks at Hope for Haiti’s Children. This efficient and well-run organization focuses on providing food, water, education, and spiritual development for the children of Haiti.

Haiti is the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. The nation is racked with crime and corruption. The U.S. State Department has issued a Level 4: Do Not Travel advisory for Haiti. I have done a lot of research on the history of Haiti and firmly believe that the only way the situation will improve is to train and educate a new generation of Haitians.

We donated to Hope for Haiti’s Children to build a new classroom. Construction started immediately but had to be halted due to the crime in the area. This is a photograph of the marker to be placed in the classroom upon completion.

After spending time with the leadership of Hope for Haiti’s Children, I became a volunteer fundraiser. One of the things I love about this charity is the opportunity to sponsor a child. For $432 per year, a child gets an education, food, and a school uniform. Upon sponsoring a child, you receive a photo and information about the child. You can build a relationship as you watch the child grow and mature.

Finally, I want to share a few things I have learned about processing grief.

  1. You never return to “normal.” Overwhelming grief creates a different person; you must learn to embrace these changes. There are activities I did before Rachel’s passing that I no longer do today. It is ok, just different.
  2. Hold on to memories. No one can take away your memories. Treasure these memories like gold.
  3. Everyone processes grief differently; finding out what works for you is crucial. For me, journaling was essential.
  4. You will probably need help from a support group or a counselor. Do not hesitate to take advantage of these opportunities.
  5. There will be ongoing events that trigger grief. They get less over time but don’t seem to fade. For example, Rachel and I both loved Lauren Daigle. To this day, I can’t listen to a Lauren Daigle song.
  6. Holidays are hard. I suggest making different plans than the usual traditions. Travel or spend time with different people. Do not underestimate the overwhelming impact of holidays on the grieving process.
  7. Find a way to honor your loved one.

Thanks for reading my narrative. Please reach out if I can help you.

Make the most of this day.